I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this but I figured if I don’t share the really awful stuff then you’re not getting the full picture of teacher training. Last Thursday (week 4) was a really pivotal day for me. We had a couple of REALLY hot, longer than 90 classes. Very intense. I went into the evening class already tired and a little loopy. About halfway through class I knew something was wrong. I felt overly hot, much hotter than normal and I was having a very hard time getting my heart rate to slow down at all. My heart was pounding, I was getting goosebumps and seeing spots. I sat down a couple of times before I realized I was in trouble. Now, most of you who know me know how stubborn I am. I WAS NOT going to leave the room. No way, no how. So I’m laying on my towel, shaking all over when I start throwing up. Instead of leaving I sit up and start a loop of barf, swallow, barf, swallow. (I know! gross right? but I’m not the first person to do it!) Let’s review: face the absolute color of an eggplant, goosebumps in a 112 degree room, whole body shaking, seeing spots, clearly dehydrated, throwing up and swallowing. TIme to maybe, oh I don’t know, LEAVE THE ROOM? Definitely. But nooooo. I decide I’m okay, I just need to breathe. (without aspirating like a drunk rock star) About this point I lose it. I’m emotionally exhausted on top of all that’s going on and I start to cry. ME!! CRYING!! IN A CLASS!! This had happened a few times in class already and we were told it’s normal. But until it happens to you, you don’t really understand that it can’t be helped. It just comes out and you can’t stop it no matter how much you’d like to!! So now add sobbing like a baby and trying to do a posture to our list. People around me kept asking me if I was okay and I would nod, sobbing, and keep trying to go on. The kicker to this story is that Bikram was making the class a really intense instructional one so it ended up being almost 2 hours long!! Yes, I had my physical breakdown during the longest class of the training!! How poetic! Anyway, I survived and it took me a couple of days to get my electrolytes balanced out and my strength back but now I feel great! It was the most eye-opening thing that’s happened to me in a LONG time. I never imagined something like that would happen to me but now that it has I’m very humble. I will never again judge ANYONE for sitting out a posture!!
Week 4 addendum!
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May 20, 2010 at 2:42 pm |
Wow…..I almost started gagging just reading about your “moment”. What a powerful lesson about listening to our bodies (it gives us more honest info than our brains ) and about letting go of stubborn thinking. I’m so glad that there was not a more serious consequence. Continuing to think of you; we miss you in class – your smiles, your outfits , your energies. Hang in there !
Anna
May 20, 2010 at 5:37 pm |
Very proud of you for all the work you are doing and am so glad you survived and have recuperated!
Please take care of yourself (in spite of your stubborn nature) because there is only one you and I need her!
You are amazing!
May 20, 2010 at 11:09 pm |
steph, you’re so dang strong, it’s amazing. good for you! despite my own stubbornness, i ended up leaving the room once at training, and that in itself was one of my big lessons in compassion…. i was sure i was going to be the kind of person who left training saying i’d stayed in the room the whole time. nope. take good care of yourself. we miss you at the studio, and eagerly await your return, so you can kill us little bit…. xo
May 21, 2010 at 10:48 pm |
you guys are the best!! thank you so much for the comments, i miss you all very much! it’s really weird to be so sequestered in this yoga bubble, the outside world doesn’t really exist! i’m feeling so much better. stronger and more confident than before! i’m doing really well in posture clinic and am known as the icebreaker cause i always go first! (imagine that!) having a great week 5, i’ll type up a summary on sunday! love you my little monkeys!!
May 23, 2010 at 3:52 am |
Holy jeebus that’s intense!! But it always takes those super breakdowns to build you up even more! Great job mama!! Xoxo
May 23, 2010 at 2:43 pm |
Steph, you are amazing!
Hang in there (and those moments are so powerful!)…I had one at training where I left the room (despite all of my hopes of NEVER having to do that!), and it was the most humbling experience ever!
We are so proud of you — keep up the good work!!!
xo,
Kristin
May 26, 2010 at 2:17 pm |
Hi Steph! I am sorry I have not gotten in touch with you sooner. I have on quite a life roller coaster since you have left. Philbert told me about your experience in week 4 so I just had to get on and send you a message. Yesterday was my worse class ever. I forgot to eat lunch and oy did it pay, I had to sit down after standing bow and could not get back up. Everytime I tried I just felt like I was going to fall over. I know we were not too close before you left but you are such a great inspiration to everyone here. I was amazed when I heard you were going to training because it felt like you had just started your practice. I was internally jealous! Well, Im back in the studio starting my 30 day which I hope to make 60 and I am thinking about talking to Jeanette about attending falls training. I can’t wait for you to come back and inspire me and others. Anyhow- go get some rest and keep up the amazing work.