week 8 is finito…

Where to start? Week 8 was schizophrenic to say the least. We finished the postures on Thursday night, which was awesome! We went until 12:30 at night just to get everyone done and there was much joyous celebration! I had a rough week so I probably wasn’t as outwardly expressive as I could have been but I was definitely happy to be done with posture clinic!

This week really took it’s toll on me, both physically and emotionally. I know I’ve said that before but this week was a little different. I have lost so much flexibility at this point it’s almost ridiculous. It’s due to the constant physical strain, your muscles just can’t keep up. There’s never more than 14 hours between classes and that just is not enough time for your body to recuperate before you’re back in there doing it again. My knees are still yelling at me and now my hamstrings and my back have joined in the chorus! We had a late night on Wednesday, Bikram kept us up til 2:00 watching some godawful bollywood atrocity. I got down under my chair and slept some but the volume is so insanely high that it’s almost impossible to sleep. I’m guessing that’s what started my neck problem but I’m not certain. Anyway, I woke up Thursday with a really sore neck and figured I just slept (all 4 hours of it) wrong. At the Thursday evening class I really pushed my head forward and back to try to work out the kinks. But by that last posture clinic’s end that night my neck was just screaming at me. That’s why I wasn’t as outwardly joyous as I would have liked! Friday morning was a disaster, I couldn’t even move my head. Friday morning I basically had to stand through the standing series and I couldn’t do most of the floor series. Totally frustrating, I was not a happy camper. Then we had a long lecture and I just could not get comfortable. The medical staff is pretty good but their empathy level is a little low. The attitude is basically “ice it and deal with it”. I got through the evening class but only got about 2 and 1/2 hours of sleep. At this point I’m sleep deprived and pain driven so I’m not the best company. We had another lecture that went long so the Friday evening class started at 6 instead of 5. We were all there, ready and willing, but Bikram didn’t get there until 7. (he definitely runs on his own time schedule) By the time we finished it was 9:00. No bonus. Then they decided we would have lecture (translation: another godawful movie) at 11:00. This time there was no sleeping and they came around and made everyone sit straight and stay awake. It was about as much fun as getting a brazilian wax so you can only imagine. I got about 3 hours of sleep that night so I totaled about 8 hours for 3 days.

So, on top of weeks of sleep deprivation add a scoop of homesickness and generous sprinkles of sick to death of these people and that about sums up week 8. I’m REALLY happy that we only have a week left! I am depleted on every possible level and I need some down time desperately. The bright light at the end of the tunnel is teaching my first class! Jeanette scheduled me for Monday, June 28th and I’m crazy excited! I am starting at the beginning of the dialogue and going through each posture, both sides this time, and trying to get prepared. It will be an amazing experience, I truly can’t wait! All of the bullshit and pain and exhaustion and frustration will totally be worth it to be able to get up there and teach all those beautiful yogis!!

7 days and counting….

Week 7!!

The heat is ON! Holy beejesus. We got a break on Memorial Day, we had the morning class and then Bikram gave us the rest of the day off. (Did hell freeze over and I missed it?!) But, as karma will have it, the rest of the week was one long torture session! The weather in Vegas has finally caught up to the season and we had our first really hot week. It was in the high 90′s, low 100′s all week and the room reflected the increase with enthusiasm. The heat is always running now, they don’t turn it off at all because they can’t compensate for the wind or the night temperatures since it’s a tent. I think the average temp in the tent this week was around 118 degrees and about 80 percent humidity. The misters they’re using are obviously pretty effective! I now know what I look like as an eggplant! Lots of barfing, cramping and supreme unhappiness going on among the yogis! Twice a day at those levels is pretty hellacious, I’ve resorted to keeping a bottle of ice chips for my mouth or else I drink too much water and get nauseous. I still haven’t left the room but it’s taken serious effort to keep my mind from winning the battle!

Posture clinics moved along very quickly this week. We got through the spine strengthening series and all the way to Camel, which is an impressive pace to say the least. The postures are shorter so they go quicker, but the stress level gets a little higher since you have less time to memorize. It turned out to be great fun actually because the more tired and physically exhausted people got the more uninhibited and open they became! This led to a lot of laughter and great energy exchanges! Almost but not quite at manic level. Any opportunity to blow off some energy gets made the most of, that is for sure! I’ve gotten really attached to my group. (GROUP 7!!) As time goes by you watch each person progress and get better, have breakdowns, cry uncontrollably, totally go blank, practice their vocal range, and generally make fools out of themselves. It’s a tremendous bonding experience, you have seen them at their best and at their very worst. It’s amazing how much a little vulnerability will bring a group together!

I’m feeling incredibly tired but still happy. I’m constantly needing sleep but when I get the chance on the weekend I can’t go to bed early and I never sleep past 8 in the morning! Ugh. I’ve lost a lot of my appetite so I have to force myself to eat enough. I eat lots of small things all day, there’s no way I can eat a full meal. I’m really homesick still but the end is in sight now so I think I’ll be fine. My body doesn’t seem to be as sore as some peoples’ but my knees are still very unhappy! I guess that will be the case until I can give them some consecutive days off to recover. I think I’ll try to take 5 days off when I get home and not do any yoga. Hopefully that will let my body rest and recuperate a little bit. It’s amazing how beat up you can get just doing yoga twice a day! I guess maybe you could do hippie yoga twice a day and be okay but 99 consecutive Bikram classes is definitely a body abuser. I know now that there is NO way I could have really prepared myself physically for this training. I did 6 classes a week for a couple of months before I came and I truly believe that was the most “ready” I could have been. I was in good shape, getting enough rest at night but pushing myself pretty hard in class each day. There’s no way you could do yoga twice a day before you got here and then get through the 9 week schedule. You’d be way too tired and would probably fall apart physically in the 4th week! I’m glad I listened to my husband when I was preparing for those 3 months before, his training philosophy was absolutely right!!

I can’t believe I only have 2 weeks left! One more hard week and then week 9 is just the yoga and lots of winding down. It’s mostly demonstrations and easier stuff. It will be really fun to get to graduation and the inevitable celebration! After living in a hotel room for 9 weeks I will gladly take out the vacuum and go back to my daily life! Tonight I’m psyching myself up for another hot week of fun and excitement…..

week 6 FINALLY ends….

worst. week. ever. Everything I heard about week 6 turned out to be true. What an emotional pain in the ass this week was! It’s Friday night and I couldn’t even wait until Sunday to write this week’s post. I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally up and down, it was crazy. Everyone has been really testy and short-tempered, I actually expected to see somebody throw a punch or something! I personally had some really rough days. I’m feeling very homesick and I’m REALLY tired of being told what to do. (Imagine that!) I know it sounds trivial but when you’re a grown adult and you’ve been living your own life for over 20 years it’s very difficult to have someone control every aspect of every day. After 6 weeks it gets to be more than a bit much! I think you’re also bombarded all day by everyone else’s emotional battle. It’s not just me going through this, everyone here is going through pretty much the same thing but at varying levels. You could see it on every face you passed or were around this week. Every little thing that could possibly just barely be a little bit annoying in your regular life is amplified while you’re here. People pushing past you, or someone just stepping on your foot, anything that wouldn’t normally bug you gets amplified by a thousandfold after 6 weeks! I had a couple of good crying jags and my poor husband did a fair amount of damage control on the phone to help me through. James was also a very good sport and text messaged me back to a better place!

It’s hard to explain why it’s so hard, it just feels overwhelming at times. There is so much pressure all the time and so much you expect of yourself and you end up totally frazzled because there’s never enough sleep. It’s definitely a love/hate relationship. There was one thing that I think I was justified in being upset about though. I came in the yoga room to put my towels on my mat and somebody had moved my mat and taken my spot!! I KNOW!!! Seriously?! (it was also Thursday, which seems to be a very hard day!) But, contrary to what you may immediately assume, I did not go apeshit on her and kick her swiftly in the shin! (how very yogi of me huh?) I did, however, move her mat and put mine back where it was. I then went and found her and told her very succinctly and politely that I noticed what she had done and that I had reversed it. She looked a little guilty and spent the next 10 minutes trying to be nice to me! Pretty funny!! It’s VERY bad yoga etiquette to move another yogi’s mat, you just don’t do it. Hopefully she figured that out. It sounds like a trivial thing I know, but in this pressure cooker it’s a bit of a bad idea. The only way to get through this with any integrity is to remember that it’s not all about you. Part of the reason they put everyone through such a difficult time is to break down your emotional, mental and physical barriers. (i.e. selfishness and control!!) I could have just let the whole thing go but to tell you the truth I was just a little bit happy to help her see some of her own baggage! Dealing with her in a very intentionally polite way and not carrying around internal dialogue about the situation was pretty cool so I guess she taught me my own lesson too!! You gotta love it, the way this experience is set up to get you thinking and acting is pretty clever, not too mention sneaky!

I’ve noticed that by Friday I’m really and truly sick of being constantly surrounded by people. That is probably the biggest thing that affects me at the end of the week. You can’t imagine the constant noise and energy drain that 360 people can have on you until you’re always in the middle of it! I absolutely crave silence and alone time by the weekend. Not to mention that posture clinics are done in hotel rooms so you have 30 or so people in a medium sized room for 3 to 4 hours. Yikes! It becomes sensory overload pretty quickly as everyone tries to practice their posture at the same time before and during break! Then you have the energy being expended by the nerves in the room from getting in up in front of everyone to do the posture! This week was also very physical, like week 5, but combined with this emotional intensity the result was over the top! Overall it made it very difficult to hold on to my peace. Hopefully I’m headed in a different direction for next week! I don’t mind the physical so much but the crazy emotional energy if very draining. I don’t like to be so up and down, I have a hard time because whatever I’m feeling is right there on my sleeve. I can’t pretend I’m okay when I’m not so there were a couple more mat crying episodes. I hate Camel, it brings out everything and leaves you laying there wide open! This whole experience is like running a marathon every day on no sleep and having therapy sessions at the same time!!

We’re busting out the spine strengthening series right now and I’m REALLY looking forward to getting done with the last 9 postures. Then I can go back to the beginning and start over! I’m ready to do the left side as well as additional dialogue so it feels like I’m actually teaching. Here’s to the end of the hardest week and the beginning of week 7!!!

week 5!

Another one down!! Week 5 was a VERY physical week, the yoga was really intense all week long. We had the 2010 international yoga champion here for the week and she was amazing!! You’ve never seen a real life gumby until you see her do a demonstration! She taught an evening class and I don’t think I’ve ever had my ass more soundly and roundly kicked. Period. ( Ask James, he’ll tell you!!) The next morning when we went down for the first padahastasana you could hear a collective groan from the room! Awesome! Then the next night (Friday) we had the international champ from 2008 and pretty much the same thing! Round two of ass kicking commences! I haven’t been so happy to see the weekend come since I’ve been here. I slept so much on Sunday that it was almost ridiculous. I was trying to do dialogue and I’d wake up and 2 hours would have passed. That happened a few times! Then I dreamed dialogue all night. Not only did I dream dialogue but I dreamed I was doing it wrong!! Talk about a LONG night! -_-

We did our CPR on Friday so I’m now certified. It was actually really fun, lots of play acting and thumping on chests all around! I’m feeling pretty good right now, strong and rested. This week will probably be another really hard one so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself. We’re moving into the spine strengthening series in posture clinic so I’m studying like crazy. (hence the dreaming I guess) I have no idea what the lecture schedule is since they like to keep us in the dark so it’s always a surprise. I can’t believe we’re in week 6! Time is literally flying by! They keep telling us we won’t want to leave by the time week 9 arrives, we’ll all be wanting to stay for another week. I have one thing to say to that: wanna bet?? I can’t wait to go home, I’ve never been more excited to go home, I will go home with a big wave to everyone and say “see you on Facebook”!! Not that I’m not loving this experience, it’s truly amazing and a once in a lifetime thing, but I’m really looking forward to seeing my family, my animals, and to teaching my first class! Can’t wait to kill em just a little bit….

Week 4 addendum!

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this but I figured if I don’t share the really awful stuff then you’re not getting the full picture of teacher training. Last Thursday (week 4) was a really pivotal day for me. We had a couple of REALLY hot, longer than 90 classes. Very intense. I went into the evening class already tired and a little loopy. About halfway through class I knew something was wrong. I felt overly hot, much hotter than normal and I was having a very hard time getting my heart rate to slow down at all. My heart was pounding, I was getting goosebumps and seeing spots. I sat down a couple of times before I realized I was in trouble. Now, most of you who know me know how stubborn I am. I WAS NOT going to leave the room. No way, no how. So I’m laying on my towel, shaking all over when I start throwing up. Instead of leaving I sit up and start a loop of barf, swallow, barf, swallow. (I know! gross right? but I’m not the first person to do it!) Let’s review: face the absolute color of an eggplant, goosebumps in a 112 degree room, whole body shaking, seeing spots, clearly dehydrated, throwing up and swallowing. TIme to maybe, oh I don’t know, LEAVE THE ROOM? Definitely. But nooooo. I decide I’m okay, I just need to breathe. (without aspirating like a drunk rock star) About this point I lose it. I’m emotionally exhausted on top of all that’s going on and I start to cry. ME!! CRYING!! IN A CLASS!! This had happened a few times in class already and we were told it’s normal. But until it happens to you, you don’t really understand that it can’t be helped. It just comes out and you can’t stop it no matter how much you’d like to!! So now add sobbing like a baby and trying to do a posture to our list. People around me kept asking me if I was okay and I would nod, sobbing, and keep trying to go on. The kicker to this story is that Bikram was making the class a really intense instructional one so it ended up being almost 2 hours long!! Yes, I had my physical breakdown during the longest class of the training!! How poetic! Anyway, I survived and it took me a couple of days to get my electrolytes balanced out and my strength back but now I feel great! It was the most eye-opening thing that’s happened to me in a LONG time. I never imagined something like that would happen to me but now that it has I’m very humble. I will never again judge ANYONE for sitting out a posture!!

Weeks 3 & 4!!

Okay, I had to combine these two because the schedule got CRAZY and I found myself running out of time!! Posture clinics have picked up considerably, which means dialogue practice is nonstop. We’re also in the middle of our anatomy course so that is just icing on the cake! The anatomy teacher is SO cool, he’s totally passionate about it and makes it a lot of fun. I never knew anatomy could make me laugh! (well, at least G-rated anatomy!) But after a full week of 3 hours a day even an entertaining teacher isn’t enough! My head feels way too full. O_o

I forgot to sign in on the Friday of week 3, which means I had to do a make-up class on Saturday. After doing doubles all week nobody wants to do a double on Saturday! Needless to say I was a little frustrated, more so because it was nobody’s fault but my own. Completely due to not staying in the moment and being present. The surprise was that it turned out to be the VERY BEST class I’ve had since we started. I totally loved it and it stayed with me all weekend! It just goes to show that you never know why things happen but there’s always a reason. Sometimes something that seems to be a negative turns out to be a blessing in disguise. I’m finding more and more of those kind of moments the longer I’m here.

I’m holding up pretty well physically and emotionally. My knees are a bit sore and swollen but I’m icing a lot so it’s manageable. Of course I’m tired but my back is pretty stable right now and I’m pacing myself to insure that I can stay somewhat healthy and flexible. (that’s tricky at times, my ego occasionally would like to come in the room with me) Overall, I feel good. I haven’t had any big “cry” days so far, just a couple of rough moments. I had no idea how intense the emotional side was going to be! One minute I’m flying high and an hour later I’m overwhelmed. It’s proving to be quite a test of my ability to stay present. (hence the make-up class) I was told training would be a life changing experience. You hear that and go “yeah, yeah, I’m sure I’ll be a different person, blah blah blah” but then you have to start admitting that it’s probably true! Something this intense is going to change you whether you like it or not! The pressure & stress + the lack of sleep + the physical strain + the constant classes + the hours of sitting in uncomfortable chairs + hundreds of different types of people from all over the world = recipe for transformation! Who knew?? I feel like a human version of a Julia Child’s recipe!

Staying strong and forging ahead, that’s me!! Namaste…

Week 2!!

Week 2 completed! Wow, it was quite a week at teacher training. We finally finished Half Moon pose, can I get a hallelujah?! It was a very welcomed thing, everybody went nuts! Bikram threw us a pizza party to celebrate, which was really fun. I caught a cold and it was kicking my ass, it’s not a lot of fun to be in a 105 degree room with a head cold. But the nurse and physician assistant here are awesome and they got me back on track in record time so now I’m feeling much better. We got an unplanned break from two evening classes in a row due to outrageous winds in the area. The yoga room isn’t a fixed structure, it’s a gigantic semi-permanent tent so when the winds started up and got to around 85 mph, the hotel engineers didn’t feel comfortable with anyone being in there!! It was perfect timing, I think the fates were taking care of me while I was sick! A little less physical stress and a quicker healing yogi! We’ve moved on to posture clinics and anatomy now so the pace is definitely picking up, along with the stress levels. I can see it in a lot of people almost overnight. Everybody is starting to really catch on to how fast the dialogue has to be memorized and it’s a little overwhelming. I’m so grateful to Jeanette, my studio owner. She was so great about helping me get ready and getting me prepared in advance! I feel really lucky to have so much support from the teachers in my studio, they’ve been amazing.

I’m feeling pretty good. My cold is retreating, I feel physically strong, and I’m doing well on dialogue. I’ve had a few moments of panic or tears but they’ve come and gone pretty quickly. It’s really hard to explain the pace and the pressure. The schedule is SO tight and now the postures have started and the required pace is almost impossible to fit into said schedule! I tend to do well under pressure so hopefully I’ll stay on top of things and continue to be able to manage the stress. I’ve definitely seen some gains in strength as well as flexibility so far, I’ve lost some body fat and gained some more muscle. (not sure I need any more muscle!) I’m afraid the legs of my jeans will be too tight by the time we hit 9 weeks from the million times I’ll have done Awkward pose!! All in all I’m doing well. My husband is here this weekend so it’s been really nice to see him and be able to talk about everything that’s happened here and at home in greater detail. It’s hard to keep up with friends and family because there just simply isn’t time to make phone calls. I can grab 5 minutes here or 10 minutes there but that’s about it. I know they structure it that way on purpose. They really want you to let go of your life for 9 weeks and totally devote yourself to yourself. I’ve also found that I’m not as hungry as I thought I would be. I’m eating but it’s kind of hard to get excited about it! My body is hungry but I’m so tired and busy that it’s hard for the rest of me to get there! I’m eating smaller things more frequently. A big meal is just not appealing, it’s way too much. They told us that our digestive system would become more efficient and we would probably change the way we eat. Of course, I’m drinking tons of water and electrolyte replacements, that kind of goes without saying. I simply CRAVE water in a way I never have before! It’s not only all the yoga but we’re doing it in the desert! My Brita filter pitcher is in constant use!

Alright, that’s about all I have this week. Thanks so much for the comments and the support! Please keep them coming, it makes my day and keeps me going… Namasté….

First week over!!

So…I’ve survived my first week at teacher training! Whew! The schedule is CRAZY! During the day I have just enough time to take a quick shower and eat once. Then I get another chance to eat before the night stuff starts. We are busy until midnight at least! One night was 2 am and another was 4 am. It’s really busy but it’s also really fun! There are so many people from all over the world, this is the biggest teacher training they have ever had! I’m having a little bit of a hard time with the lack of sleep already, I can’t even imagine what week 4 will be like! I’m a little testy at times, too many people around all the time. I’m not used to that so it’s a bit overwhelming. I’m missing my husband, son and animals already as well. That part is really hard. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel guilty about being gone for 9 weeks. Ive always been the one taking care of them and sometimes i feel like I’m not doing my job. But then i remember that this training will make me a better person and help ame continue to grow. They’ll benefit twice as much all for the bargain price of 9 weeks without me! All in all it works out positively!
The week was pretty much the same thing every day; two yoga classes daily, half moon pose all afternoon and evening (one at a time in front of Bikram and 350 students), lectures and a couple of godawful Bollywood movies! Wow. I’ve discovered I am not a fan! Oh well that’s okay I guess! I don’t have to like it, I just have to do it! (Bikram loves that phrase!) “Do you understand what I am saying? Yes or no?”. LOL!! Too funny!
Today we had an amazing class and now I’m just hanging out with my daughter until tomorrow evening. Monday morning we start all over again! Talk to you next weekend!

night before…

It’s the night before teacher training starts and I’m trying to decide if I’m more excited or scared! This is finally a reality, it’s actually happening! I’ve been thinking about it, talking about it, and getting ready for it for four months now and the fact that I’m starting tomorrow is almost unbelievable. Check-in is 1:00 tomorrow. I’ll meet my roommate, check out the room and get my itinerary for Monday. I have to grocery shop for the week and say goodbye to Ash. That is going to be really hard! (saying bye to my man, not buying food!) I have no idea what to expect, despite all that I’ve heard from everyone at the studio. I’ll check back in here tomorrow and let you know how it went… Wish me luck!!